But seriously

I need some time alone.






alone from everything






im having a really hard time right now.





i dont want to hear it.






and thats all i have to say.

Its over

Im not even in the right mind.

Im all over the place.

I didnt think it would have to come to this.
but i need to get better.
and this is the only way.

they dont want to accept it.
they dont want me to take the ----.
anything to get me there.
and through it
and out of it.
Just to get me through.


Im not the person i want to be.
im so dissapointed.
but its taking over me.
i know i look ok.
i look happy.

whats wrong?


nothing you need to know about.
but i dont think i can like,
do this anymore.

I want to just
crawl up in a corner

and cry.


Its not fair.
Life isnt fair.
Bad things happen to good people.
Sometimes, SHITHAPPENS.
and now you need to work your whole life around it.


For me,
its like
my extra baggage.
I need to deal with it.
and its hard.
FUCK.
Ive dealt with it for 2 years now.
and it just gets
worse
and worse


and worse.


and look where I am now.
look what I have accomplished.
absoutely
fucking
nothing.b



as for him.
i feel horrible.
now he needs to start over.
itsjustnotfair
he worked so hard.
and now its all gone.

now it needs to start OVER.
fuck
the
goddamn
fucking


system.

im sorry.

Fuckthesystem.

i honestly.




just want to be happy.




is that TOOMUCHTOASKFOR?







what the fuck.









my plan of action.

1. go to my house in phx.
2. pack my things.
3. kidnap lady
4. GETAWAY

Salsa Picante.

HAI.

today was VERYSUPER productive.
im proud.
but now im fucking tired.

fjsjkal;jd


Im so excited for the weekend.
GETAWAYFUCKINGTRIP.


fuck yes.
FUCKYES.



I cant wait.



Im still sick. wtf.



I took photos for my friends band.
HOWDOTHEYLOOK.
they arent amazing
but everyone likes them.
and i do too.
i need to step up though.

mmmyes.



Im sick of you.
And im over YOU.
and you, your ok.
oh and YOU are hot.
why cant i have you.




okbai.

Life.

Right now.


i hate life.



fuck me.



i am at the most absolute like "fjdisafuaewoifh"
im sick of this
of that
of STUDYING
im tired.
im really sick.
i dont give a shit right now.
im really busy.
im tired.
IMTIRED.
worried
stressed.


oh god.


im gonna like.
throw my phone+computer+anyother outside communication device
OUT MY FUCKING WINDOW.




there.




I think there is someone new.




okgreatbai.

HIHIHIH

SO.

IMDRUNKNOW.


and sick also.
like cold sick.









and i would love to have you right now.










kaythanksbai.

FUCKYOU

you know whats REALLYANNOYING?


when you are DRUNK
and HUNGRY
and SICK
and you cant taste ANYOFTHEFOOD
YOU ARE EATING.


what the FUCK.



LIFE IS OUT TO GET ME RIGHT NOW.
in this moment
i feel like shit.



godfuckingdamnitsonofafuckingBITCH.



so anyways.
tonight was good.
hes cute.
and the end




GOODNIGHT.

ps. BRINGMEFOODTHATICANTASTE.



KABAI

Fuck

my life.

shit is tough right now.


life. sucks.




fksldafjkalfjkaljfkaljfafuck



i want to get away. farfarfarfarjekljfkafjaraway.

meow meow meowMIX

This is day 2 that i feel like shit.

and day 8392840 that the meow mix song is STUCKINMYHEAD
what a random fucking song to have stuck in your head
for the longest time.
something is wrong.




I feel like my eyes are gonna pop out of my head
and that my ears are being sucked in
and my head is one. big. balloon.



So i decided that,

i need to change my life.

and i kinda want to like, TOMORROWMORNING

when i wake up.

ive had enough of this shit.

blehfklsajfkasl;fjsdfkjdkfjkdfjdkfjkdjfkdsjlsd;fjakslrioawfioasfjasdf
fjdsklajfksaldfjksdlfjsklfa
djfkslfjsa
fjdskafds
fs
d


ya.



I fucking LOVE
Lipstick Jungle.
its so sexy.


I have alot of "little" dilemas going on in my life right now.
and its weird.
very weird.
ANDIDONTLIKEIT.

I just wish everything was normal.
like, how they used to be.
Cause once something changes,
or something NEW,

its like a stamp.

and even though you forget about it.
its still there.
lingering.
and its not your fault.
its just, there.

and it feels weird.
im not mad.
its just kinda weird.
a little.


hmmm.


and then.
IDONTKNOW.
my head hurts too much.
to look at this screen
to think
to think about you
and you
and them
and her
and him
and you again.
to drink this tea
to be awake
to do anything right now.

fuck.


i swear to god.
i need to leave.
im not even kidding.
im up to jdkflajkdslfjskdalfjskdfjaks < -- here
with school
and people
and dilemas
and drama
and life
and thinking
and food
and money
and jobs
and papers
and stories
and shit
and lies
and whores
and sluts
and coldness
and phoenix
and manipulation
and deceit
and you.

dont even begin to tell me.
i know what i know.
and thats it.
i dont want to hear it.

The Mating Game.

Today was all about you.
and nothing about me.


I didnt really like today's feeling.
cause i did absolutely nothing.
but felt absolutely everything.
and it wasnt good.


I had alot of opinions about life go through my head. from people.
and they were all negative.
and then i thought.
well then fuck life.
why is everything so horrible?
CAUSEWEMAKEITHORRIBLE.
and thats what ive concluded to.


Im still waiting for the day where i will CLICK
and be like. today im gonna change.
and i really FUCKINGHOPEITCOMESSOON.
likee.. tomorrow morning?
we will see.
cause im sick of this bullfuckingshit of
my so called life at the moment.


no one gets it.
so i just SMILEANDSAYHAI
:)
hihihihihi
itsmeandrea
impretending.
boo


I watched lipstick jungle today for four hours.
it was amazing.
i was like, yelling at my computer
"OHHHSHIT NO YOU DIDIDDNNTTT"
hahaa


I want to live in lipstick jungle.
and be Victory.


"Im moving forward.
and im doing the best i can
i wont begin to understand
how this happened
what state am i in"


I dont know who to trust these days.
one person tells me one thing.
and then another tells me another thing.
and i feel suspicious.
i mean, i shouldnt care.


what if one day someone like IMED me or something
and was like, ohmaygod kill me now blahblah
and i was like i dont fucking care shut the fuck up.


..that would be rude.
i would never do that.


OKHONESTLYWHATDOYOUWANTFROMMEIDONTBELIEVEYOU
IWANTTOSEEYOUBUTITSNOTAGOODIDEA
IDONTKNOWABOUTYOUANYMORE
IDONTWANTTOBEINVOLVEDANYMORE
ICANTHANDLEIT
ICANTFUCKINGHANDLEIT
YOUARESONAIVE
YOUDONTGETIT
IMFINE
CAUSEOFTHIS.

get it.



today sucked.

Ive been in the same chapter for a few years now..

I wish i had a better relationship with my parents.



this sucks.




me and them, both.




like, it makes me sad sometimes. and cry.




and them too.

For reals.

I want out of here.

new people
new city
new school
new things
new culture
new life
new boys
EVERYTHING.


im so sick.


sick.
sick.


i can never trust anyone. ever.
after tonight.

i have fun all the time.
i love the people im with.
but i never know whats real.
its hard.
real hard.
and.
boys suck.
what the fuck.

why.
why.


tonight was good.
i had fun


but there are always things in the back of my mind.
and then im like, fuck.


this isnt right.
what we are doing.
and it needs to be changed.
but no one will say anything.
keep to ourselves.
and pretend that things will get better.
but they arent.
i know it.
and you know it.
and i miss you.
but do you miss me?

?

First Friday: Downtown Phoenix

According to the tabloids...

... no one cares.


This weekend was ridiculous.
and i think i grew 47832979017894 grey hairs.
I was driver this weekend.

I will NEVERFORGET driving down univ. with nadia at 5am going 15 mph with her back window shattered into little tinyTINyTINY pieces.

hahahaa

WHYWOULDPEOPLEDOTHAT.
fucking cunts.
ok. lets jump our fat asses on top of cars and fall through the windows.
kgreat :)



For me, going home is like a little baby knowing he is going to the doctor for a check up but when he gets there THEYLIETOHIM and tell him hes gonna get a huge shot. and then cries.


Everyweekend just gets worse and worse.
Until i get to the point where im never going to leave my room
and not want to see anyone.

and its getting there.
too quickly.



right now i just feel really
uncomfortable
uneasy
unRESTED
nervous.
tired
annoyed.
*
%^&#$%^&*(&^%$%&*^^
LIKETHAT.

Doesnt care.

Andrea MICHELLE IS: going to have fun tonight. and isnt gonna give a FUCK.



KAYTHANKSBAI


:D

Bitch ain'tSHIT but a hoe in a trick

Andrea IS watching American dad with gaby on mikes bed.


Hai.

I hear the boys.
Outside.
yelling. and arguing. [karim]
about LEAGALIZINGWEED.
and why it is not legal get.

stupid.
if alcohol is legal. weed should be legal.
ENDOFDISCUSSION. next?


"hai can you help me? im not drunk yet"
NOT.


hfahhahahahahakdfljakfhhaha.


anyways.
today was INTERESTING.
especially to come back tonight with some "news".
dirty rabbit. trix are for KIDS.
stupid hoes.
when i saw that. i laughed.
and was like "really?"
i mean i THOUGHT to do that shit.
it was about TIME.
too bad i was in it :(
wahh
not.
so im gonna go and get some plastic surgery.
hahahaa.


i feel like J-E-L-L-O
like jdkslafjdsfj
dkfj
sjd
ss
s
s
s
yea.



i have alot to say.
hahahaa.
because ive had one too many drinks.



OKGOODNIGHT.

Receptionist.

HAI.

IMATWORK.

DOINGabsolutelyfuckingnothing.


God this is lame.
I do NOT want to do homework.
i em sick of homework.


LIFE IS LIKE FUCKING HOMEWORK.
Like instead of getting an A on the test
I need to like get an A on not dying.
or doing something stupid.


Or say like relationships with people, friends.
They are like math problems.
You never really know the answer
until you look in the back of the book..


This is day 5034923489 that i have not found lobsterbear
WHAT THE FUCK.






I need noise in my brain.
I wish i had a radio in there
that i can play REALLYREALLYLOUD
so i can stop thinking about useless
POINTLESS SHIT.
like JUSTPLAY over and over please
until i cant think.
until i cant hear.




Tonight is thursday night.

.. or Some Shit.

So when i wake up in the morning
the light shines through the tiniest crack
on the left side of the shade
where my head always manages to face the right side
thesamefuckingtime
every morning.
and it bothers me.



Today was cold.
LIKEREALLYCOLDFORARIZONA.
like 80.
just kidding.
LIKE75DEGREES.
and i loved it.
it reminded me when i lived in diamond bar. and going to my grandmas house everyday. and being at my hugehouse at the end of the street. and my huge dogs. and the lizard that lived in our livingroom until one day we found it on the window sill STIFF like it had frozen or something? and the church we went to in LA. and having parties all the time in our house. and having all our family over for sleepovers. and all the babysitters who only spoke spanish that i had. and having easter egg hunts in the backyard. and going to school with asian kids. and todays weather reminded me of THIS.



Today i was really looking forward to it.
as much as i didnt want it.
i wanted to.
i cant make up my mind.
and when i found it was false
i second thought myself.
was it for the better?
i need to give up.
i dont want to get hurt.
over something that isnt even real.
what am i putting myself through?
half of me wants complete abandonment.
the other half says, this isnt enough.
i want to know your halves.



i really need to go to class tomorrow.
im sick of this routine.
so so sick of it.
but on friday, they will tell me what's wrong with me.



and ICANTFIND LOBSTERBEAR.
help me find him pless.

he looks likethis













He wears the suit of a lobster.
I want to put him on a milk carton.

:(

Requiem for a Dream

ICANTSLEEP
ICANT SLEEP
I CANTSLEEP
I C A N T SLEEP.


I need to stop thinkingaboutit/them/you.
weve already established it. and my mind is wrapped around something that isnt there.
why.
WHY.


I cant read you.


real?
REALS.
real.
thats that something i need. something REAL
and not half shitted stories and lies and rumors
and whatever will make youme happy.
cut the shit.


I cant do this anymore. honestly, i cant.


TODAY obama is for president.
And everyones' facebook statuses shit politics all day. like water.
It was annoying.
but this is a "very historical day".

Andrea Michelle

I go to school, but i dont go to class. my favorite color es black. Im hispanic. When i look at a picture i look at it in ways other people might not. I dream alot. I dont do alot. I think too much. I watch too much family guy. I am at most interested in: mental people and anything in its obscenity that would make old ladies squint their eyes and gasp. You dont really know what goes on in my mind. I think too much. very much. but its mostly for my own good. you should always trust in your instincts. I agree to things i dont want to do. i go along with it. i feel disrespected alot. people dont know how to listen. or communicate. or have a legitimate conversation without steering it back to themselves. I really do care. i like to help people. but i dont know if i like people helping me. its weird. i like to drink. cause its fun. i like to dance. i like to sing really loud when no ones around to really LOUD music to stop myself from thinking. it works. im glad im not a graphic design major. cause its a bunch of bull shit up until your last year, after you have literally stabbed yourself with an exacto knife for your first three to get there. i like new people. i get annoyed alot. i like to share. until i get taken advantage of. i am very envious. i like my friends. i dont care what you think. i love my doggy. her name is LADY. she will eat you. sometimes id rather be ONSTAGE with the band, behind the microphone, instead of in the crowd. screaming. i dont know what im looking for. dont cry over boys. its fucking stupid. i was stupid. three times. i like coffee. sometimes i sit back and analyze people. you know if you do that you can tell many things, about their confidence, insecurity, maturity, immaturity. it definately shows. i dont like it when people copy me. or follow me. or do something right after me. es not cool. but whatever. HM. i cant sleep alot. i have no peace. im waking up at 630 am tomorrow to vote for president. im waking up in FOUR hours to vote for president. i work at wp carey school with silly people. i go to school with silly people. my parents are the reason why i want to move out of arizona. school is the reason why i want to move out of arizona. events that have happened are the reason why i want to move out of arizona. ARIZONANS make me wanna move out of arizona. you make me wanna move out of arizona. not you. YOU. people are so DECEIVING. I like to smoke hookah. i like cigarettes. people are dumb. i dont want this. i dont want that. i dont want you. i lie to myself alot. im ready to sleep now? maybe.

<3

Painted Nails.

This one is NEW.

I think ive evolved to more than just talking about pointless shit that I had done in the day, who
I saw, or what something/someone did.

so FUCKING stupid.

I want to get away and enjoy something other than,
not going to class.
worrying over stupid useless shit.
worrying about boys.
worrying about my parents.
my grades.
where I went that night.
who i think about.
what are they doing?
what is he doing?
who are they fucking?
are you lying to me?

who is he fucking?

it conSUMES me and I cant think straight.
i would like to think straight and then maybe I can get my shit together.

But for now I guess we can all go our same routine. cause everyones got problems. its not just you. its everyone. we cant use people to vent.

channel it.

into something that you have NEVER done before.
make it into something.
then you will find out what you need.


i need to know, what I need.






my suitemate is still puking in the bathroom.
I say SHE NEEDS a pregnancy test.








what the fuck is going on here.


how could you have everything figured out.
its impossible.
there is something hiding.
and you are covering it.
with your voids and your fills
theres too much going on.
im not important.
i was put in it.
and now i got taken out.
am i just jealous?
maybe.
sorry.