the light shines through the tiniest crack
on the left side of the shade
where my head always manages to face the right side
thesamefuckingtime
every morning.
and it bothers me.
Today was cold.
LIKEREALLYCOLDFORARIZONA.
like 80.
just kidding.
LIKE75DEGREES.
and i loved it.
it reminded me when i lived in diamond bar. and going to my grandmas house everyday. and being at my hugehouse at the end of the street. and my huge dogs. and the lizard that lived in our livingroom until one day we found it on the window sill STIFF like it had frozen or something? and the church we went to in LA. and having parties all the time in our house. and having all our family over for sleepovers. and all the babysitters who only spoke spanish that i had. and having easter egg hunts in the backyard. and going to school with asian kids. and todays weather reminded me of THIS.
Today i was really looking forward to it.
as much as i didnt want it.
i wanted to.
i cant make up my mind.
and when i found it was false
i second thought myself.
was it for the better?
i need to give up.
i dont want to get hurt.
over something that isnt even real.
what am i putting myself through?
half of me wants complete abandonment.
the other half says, this isnt enough.
i want to know your halves.
i really need to go to class tomorrow.
im sick of this routine.
so so sick of it.
but on friday, they will tell me what's wrong with me.
and ICANTFIND LOBSTERBEAR.
help me find him pless.
he looks likethis
He wears the suit of a lobster.
I want to put him on a milk carton.
:(
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