While i'm waiting for the lights to change....

Im just gonna be completely frank and honest because im like going hysterical right now I cant help but just STATE THE OBVIOUS of everyones insanity. Not just mine, or yours. EVERYONES. 

Heres the situation, Its the second to last week of schools. Finals, presentations, projects, papers, all of the above one right after the other. Not to mention on the side... drugs, parties, dramas, fights, lovers and haters. This is really all too much for one person to handle, don't you think? I wouldn't doubt it. 

Here I am, dealing with medication, drinking, smoking, failing, not knowing why im here at ASU, basically doing whatever the fuck I want and not realizing the consequences, if im loosing my scholarship, no money, no job, and b_ _ _  worries. So im about to cut my motherfucking head off. But, at the same time, im trying to keep my cool. Its hard, and I might seem like some kind of like crack addict. I can just change moods in a goddamn second and I really hate it. I feel like im taking it out on my friends and I try not to. I love you guysss and if you read this just keep that in mind. 

This week ive probably heard at LEAST one THREE shitty life stories from each and everyone of my friends. Its really sad to hear about everything going on not to mention your own shit going on whether or not people know it. I dont mind people telling me whats going on with their lives. I love hearing stories, cause I can always relate, or always give some advice, but the thing is, I cant even take my own goddamn advice. 

So, this is for EVERYONE who is freaking out, stressing out, on drugs, whatever the fuck it is thats worrying you cause its spreading faster than that motherfucking swine flu, which i much rather have that right now than all this other stuff going on.......

• Its never the end of the world. Things always work out one way or another
• KEEP YOURSELF IN CHECK. 
• Dont make any irrational decisions because you WILL regret them once everything is done with and figured out. 
• You have your whole fucking life ahead of you. 
• Everything doesnt need to be figured out in a second, minute, hour, day, week, month....
• We are young, of course we fuck up. EVERYONE fucks up. 
• Your parents will always love you no matter what grades you get blahblah (or at least I hope they will)
• Your parents are usually right (and i really hate saying that)
• DONT QUIT SCHOOL. even though i wanna fucking leave asu. I dont want to regret it. 
• Sometimes you just have to leave your problems at the door and hang out and enjoy your time with your friends no matter what it is you do
• Breathe. 
• Live day by day. 
• Dont think about the future too much, cause what you predict will most likely happen. 
• be OPTIMISTIC. 
• Just accept what happens and go on with life. 
• Go through one moment at a time, or else you would probably miss out on a lot, tryna think about stupid or useless shit. 
• Most people (parents, teachers, friends) are understanding so dont be scared to tell stories or ask questions. 

This is probably one of the most meaningful and straightforward posts ive written and I hope it helps you guys to know that we are all in a shitty situation somehow someway and that your not lonely and its ok and the world isnt over and i love you guys. I just need to keep all this in mind as much as you guys doo. 

Stop asking me questions, Id hate to see you cry

WELL HAY.

Ive probably gotten worse.
I cant do absolutely anything.

I havent even done any ART.
what the motherfuck.

I might as well be digging a hole for myself.

I seriously do NOT want to go to ASU anymore. I think im done.


DO YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW WHAT i DO INSTEAD OF HOMEWORK



yea so shut the fuck up.
somethings wrong with me.

anyways.

I daydream alot more these days about my future. I have definately realized that I am going to just quit school and be a photobooth pro. JUST KIDDING. but really. Im not happy, if anyone has noticed. But i cant really do anything about it now. Im kinda in a STICKY SITUATION HERE........... goddamnit.

why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why
why

Beep beep bitch I’m so motherfuckin da mu

Starin’ at a mountain like “Bitch i will climb you!”

I stand tall like I’m motherfucking 9′2″

I scream motherfuck you and who ever designed you

And if you think you hot then obviously you were lied to

And we don’t die we multiply and then we come divide you

-lilfuckinwayne

ok?

I finally cut my hair. short. REALLY SHORT

Ive wanted my hair like this for a long long longggg time and so today in my state of mind i decided to just fucking do it. what else could happen? so me and gaby snip snip and now i has haircut.

I really like it. OKTHANKS. bitch.

So here's what it comes down to...

I wish you could all just see further into me. 

cause some of you only know the surface. 

all so quick to judge yet stand by your side like your the only goddamn friend they've got. 

this is so hard for me and im ready to quit and leave. ive skipped them again. and im feeling it. 

its the worst ever. i can make the most irrational decision in a second. and not even think twice about it. you have no fucking idea. 

i dont expect anyone to know anything about me. but dont be so quick to talk shit cause ill know it one way or another. and honestly i dont give a fuck. cause i have worse problems to deal with than you. its not worth my time what i have going on for me right now. 

On the other hand,

i want you to know what i know. 

i put myself in this situation thinking i was going to get further. 

but of course you either dont want to or realize it. 

its really hard. 

i could have easily pushed you away. 

but i dont want to do that. 

what are your intentions?

i dont know what mine are. 

but im pretty sure they are for the wrong reasons. 

and im pretty sure yours are too. 

so i guess i just have to take it how it is?

lets see how long this will last.

cause i might end it soon. 

but thats something that im not choosing to do. 

Im gonna take you to the zoo and feed you to the yaks..

...right after I finish this drink. 

Sally Tomato

I cant sleep and its 5:11 AM. 

I came home around 1:30 and passed out, but I woke up cause our air thermometer was at fucking 90 degrees and I was ready to have a heat stroke. I got up, changed it and tried going to bed. Now i just cleaned everything up, organized my laundry, and am watching Breakfast at Tiffany's. Like what?

BLAH. I mostly am probably still awake cause I smoked alot. But i also just started worrying about things here and there, and im just WIDE EYED. 

And I totally forgot I have a goddamn community service project Saturday morning at 8am. Fuck my life. 

I had an interesting day today/the rest of the night... 

Today, I decided to cash my last paycheck from my previous job. I go to the bank and tell the lady to deposit it into my savings account because I need to save that money and my checking account is overdrawn, which I am going to fix another way. So then she did everything blah blah ok bye. I go home and check my bank statement and my fucking checking amount that i owed got less and i had nothing in my savings. that son of a bitch put my check into my checking and not in my savings therefore eating my whole check up. I was so upset likeRAWRbut then i called them and yelled at them and they fixed it thank god. 

SO THEN.... Tonight we went to mikes, the usual to drink and or smoke and hang out. We go to motherfucking Jack in the Box, and in line behind us, there is this guy who is BELLIGERENTLY DRUNK aka OBLITERATED. He gets out of the car, goes over to the drive thru speaker and moons them, cause I guess theres a camera when you talk to them. So here he is flashing the whole goddamn place and his friends are in the car just laughing about it. Mind you, that he was probably in his mid to late THIRTIES. He then goes to the other cars infront of him, which was one behind us, and then us. So he starts dancing in front of the car behind us and we are fucking laughing so hard, then he turns around and sees us, and he comes creepin up and like tries to talk to us through the window. at that point it was kind of scary creepy. so then the guy goes back and all of a sudden i hear jenna laughing SO HARD and the guy fucking fell in the bush by the drive thru. It was so funny holy shit and he couldnt get up and he was just chillin there for a few minutes, until his friend came and got him. That was the highlight for the rest of the semester. I love drunk people. 

Today was an interesting day. 

Now its 6:20 am. 

I might go to mcdonalds. 

If i make it there alive. 

fuck my life.

where are you and when are you gonna come to me. 

i think im blind. 

but things happen the way they should be. 

我要你与我

Ive been internet crazy the past two days. Like legit nerd status [creep stylin] 

BLAHHHHH. Im really confused about my current situation aka being at ASU and not giving a fuck. I feel guilty all the time but I cant get myself to even fucking CHECK blackboard cause I know im behind and I dont want to accept it. fuck my motherfucking life. 

Today I was walking to school and these two girls were walking in front of me. Then all of a sudden a fucking BEE came and landed on one of the girls shirts and i was like freaking out and they were walking too fast or else i would have told her something and the bee fucking crawled into her hair hahahah :/ I feel bad. 

ILL BE BACK. 

okback. 

My night consisted of eating McDonalds [large] fries and eating a vanilla ice cream cone with gaby, walking to circle k to only discover that they dont cash checks, walking back to cholla in hurricane force winds, and sitting outside enjoying a cigarette on the balcony while my suitemate's brother was talking about how he had nothing nice and called her a bitch  in her video. I would say this is a pretty good night. 

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my really good friends about life. 

Cherish every day with whoever you're with, cause you never know whats gonna happen in a SECOND. Never live with regrets and it doesnt hurt to try something thats been on your mind. after going through hell a few months ago i realized that you can make one irrational decision and your whole life will be, in my case, vanished. its pretty scary, and i just wish that everyone will just calm down and take a look around and be happy that you are with people who loff you and will be there for you. leave the shit at the door, thats for another day. we are so fucking young and have YET our whole entire lives ahead of us. and we shouldnt live our youth in sadness, depression, and regrets. cause at this point in our lives, its a motherfucking party. 

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Happy Easters

happy easterss

I think spending alot of time with my family made me realize i really need to stop and think about what im doing as far as school goes. Im not scared but i know that im not gonna go anywhere and im just gonna fuck my self even worse. 

Today was so nice with my family. There was a point while we were at breakfast that I just got so emotional and i almost wanted to cry. like what? i dont know. 

and then i played with LADY my puppy and she misses me alot and I can tell. lady is like my everything and if anything happens to her i would probably die. the end. 

Never again.

this is me the next morning, hungover, and still a little drunk, talking on the phone to see what happened last night cause i mother fucking blacked out. FML.  

tequila+jager+vodka+beer=a fucking good time but with consequences. 

Sertraline Withdrawl.

Its like..... feeling like your on top of the world.
and then all of a sudden an earthquake hits.
then whatever you were standing on crumbles from underneath you.
but you survive.
and then you feel like you shouldn't have.
twitchirritationannoyingyellingscreamingsittinginacornercryingnotgivingonefuck.
its scary.

I read this article in ELLE. And i thought i would like to share it with you. I admire people who are brave enough to wear whatever they fuck they want and not give a shit. however. the number one thing EVER is that you have to pull it off. plain and simple as that. So im sitting at the MU watching people walk along, and I find that ASU is flourishing in the fashion department. People dress up to go to class. and i feel like some go to class in what they partied and got wasted in the night before. there are so many different styles everywhere. but sometimes, bitches cant always pull it off. im not trying to be judgemental or anything. props to them, but its just funny cause sometimes you can tell what kind of person they are by how they dress, or try to dress. theres those who are very independent and dont give a fuck and have other priorities in life [full props], those who want attention and have their shit hanging out [no props], those who are really really trying :(, and those who like to explore and use school to try different things, colors, patterns, ect. This was just a thought i had in mind. 

OK IM READY TO GET WASTED. goodbye. 

Would you be nasty with me?

I just re-designed my blog MYSELF
typing in every goddamn letter and symbol possible on my keyboard

But i love it and im proud.
it took me for fucking ever to figure it out. so PROPS.

Im about to go out and get drunk. I cant wait. because all week ive been wasting away doing absolutely fucking nothing but studying and smoking. And to be honest, I didnt really like it.
So lets do something I like to do.


and dance.

i really like this shirt. 

Cuervo Studio show

My art display till May

Cuervo Studios

15th st. and Thomas

You give me corpse, you live in it now.

Twitty bird

Follow me on twitter

http://twitter.com/shellymichelle

great.

High

Why oh why you try to fail me.

Everyday my life changes significantly. 

Like i live in a motherfucking roller coaster. 

and im starting to get sick

and i might puke. 

but seriously 

I realize that im not made for this. 

im not made for studying, sitting, reading, listening, following. 

no. 

I fucking hate it. 

Instead of taking a quiz, ill do something else and just not give a fuck. 

and then im gonna regret it when the fucking semester ends. 

Im doing more photos and am going to start making my own "business" if you will since ive been getting offers lately. 

Im really going further in my art and making sure that it is out there and people know. 

Its pretty exciting and I cant wait to see where it will take me. 

I really need to focus on whats important. 

its easy for me to stray away 

and become intwined in things that dont even matter. 

like stupid shit. 

like, drama. 

fuck that. 

to honestly tell the truth, 

i dont want to be apart of any fucking drama. 

why would I want to do that to myself 

holding in things that are killing you and really where is that going to take you?

fucking nowhere. 

so i think everyone should just fucking suck it up

and deal with life. 

and stop complaining 

cause its a fucking waste of time. 

and just cherish the time you have with others

no matter who its with, where it is, what you are doing. 

theres no room to be sad, jealous, mad

just be yourself. 

because people can tell when your not.