I'm sorry to remind you, but im scared of what we're creating.

This weekend was tough for me. Although I did enjoy it. 

I had finished making these two pieces of drawings which should originally come together as one, but when I did put them together they looked kind of strange. I am going to post it soon to my deviantart page.  But I realized that the art I made kind of reflects what im going through right now in my life, and I find that my days are inspiration for art. 

 

One letter sized page is of a drawing of a woman of half her face, one eye. Beautiful big eye and red flowers decorating her dark wavy and long hair. Then I made the other half of the face, but of a woman with curlers in her hair,  heavy make up on her other eye, smoking a cigarette with smoke in the shape of a heart. 

I think what I was trying to get at this was not that the girl has two sides, but shes completely changed into a different person. The first half of the woman represents the beginning of her life or the first stage of her life, where she was merely a beautiful innocent girl who would do anything for anyone and just wanted to make everyone happy. The second page is after the woman has gone through experience and she has realized that shes never going to get anywhere like that in life and she would only be making other people happy instead of herself. So now she has become this independent person who decides what she wants when she wants, and she wants love. 

This is most definately what Im going through right now. 

I dont want a relationship and they dont understand me. 

I felt as though I was dealing with women kind of. 

I became uncomfortable. 

I didnt really like it. 

Ive obviously changed the way I view relationships for MYSELF 

Because of all the bullshit I had been through the past years. 

And I cant do that to myself anymore. 

So you need to understand.

I do what I want, when I want. 

Dont pretend like you know me so well

That Ill finally be happy. 

Im not ready.