So yesterday i calmed down and went home. Where everyone was gone and it was just me and lady. Nothing at that time phased me, my teachers, the homework I didnt do, the people im trying to see/not see, all my worries kind of just went away and I loved it.
But now im here. at work.
since 8am.
Its not bad. I dont hate it here. OBVOUSLY.
I fucking go to work more than I go to school.
I dont know what im going to do about all that school stuff.
cause im kind of FUCKED.
Anyways, I cant really explain how i feel. I feel like a BLEH. like a bleh with good things and bad things and they all just jumble into one and make- Bleh. Its like one minute ill care about something and be like oh may god i have to do that. Then the next second i do something dumb and not care about the important things.
Thats what im doing. Im trying to avoid the important things.
For all I know ive got 2391 people walking all over me right now in this vulnerable state.
But just remember, fuck you.
I painted this the other day, while I didnt go to school. Its kind of ironic, because of what happened... Which will remain unsaid for the time being. But lets just say, i was a little disturbed. Anyways, this means "losing control" in Japanese. Which was exactly how I felt this past week.
So my mom just texted me, " your back on track now".
Lets not jinx this ok?
Tonight im taking photos for goodnow's band Tatem show. They are headlining at the marquee. So it should be exciting.
But i better get a drink first.
